She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
