I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
