it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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