I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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