We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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