My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
