I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think my fart just growled at me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
