No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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