i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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