a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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