So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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