walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
