and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
