i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
