I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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