Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
