you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
