The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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