Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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