its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
