Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
