Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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