Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
