So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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