The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
