Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize