is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
