Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
