Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I did not marry a roomba.
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