I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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