theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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