He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
