She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
