nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am spending my child support on dildos
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
