I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
