Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
