i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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