Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
