I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
