I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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