Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
