worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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