If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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