i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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