I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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