I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
