"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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