I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
