I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
