Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
