I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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