I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
love makes seman taste better
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
