can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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