this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
