He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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