i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
