I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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