You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
