My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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