trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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