I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
