he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
